I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
