Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
