I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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