i just wanna soil my oats bro
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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