The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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