Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well you can't waste a boner
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
