I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
