There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize