My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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