my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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