can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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