how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
