im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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