She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize