We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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