Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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