I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
