Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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