That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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