So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
