Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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