his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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