i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
