Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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