handjob tips. give me some.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
