i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
