areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
