so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He had one of those small greek statue penises
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
