dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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