The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
