I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
