the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
