Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize