so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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