I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
