We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
