Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
