I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
