Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize