He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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