i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
