I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
