Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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