i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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