Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
