Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
