i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
