then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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