well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I didn't notice because vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
