the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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