I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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