dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
