you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
