Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So squirting runs in the family.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
