so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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