Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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