im drinking this country out of the recession.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
