i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
