Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
