why didn't you poke me back
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
