I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
