sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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