I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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