I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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