K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
