My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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