Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
