jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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