I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
