I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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