Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
