My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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