Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
