your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
