should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
