Betty ford says i'm here all night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Randomize
