T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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