i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
