I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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