is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love having hate sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
