my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
